In all honesty, I’ve been somewhat of a hack at everything I’ve pursued, maybe an unintentional impostor at times. A possible case of Impostor Syndrome?
Nevertheless, I’ve been good enough to impress a few people, supporting my illusion that I have the talent or wisdom to pull off whatever I am doing or being. Illusions can become powerful motivators, pushing us forward and sustaining our efforts over time, despite our perceived limitations.
There are moments of intense joy, when I experience something incompatible with perpetual sadness; a happy place older than the oldest pain. This is what makes life worth living, those beautiful detours into the light of sacred presence.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
Nothing is kept sacred anymore. We rush in and trample over everything, just because we can. Why not leave some things as sacred heights to gaze at in awe, to meditate upon with deep reverence? Not everything is meant to be conquered, certainly not by the masses.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
The first confrontation with my mortality was at age 27, after the sudden death of my uncle. For the first time, I felt the universe to be a very cold and impersonal place. My faith was badly shaken, and I felt very alone and vulnerable. I experienced a breakdown as a result, one that lasted for several weeks, until the pain finally exhausted itself.
Eventually, I recovered a sense of spirituality in my life, as the idea of an impersonal universe was both incomprehensible and intolerable to me.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
The dreaming writer and his muse enter the garden, leaving their fig leaves at the gate. Now alone and denuded of all manner of covering, they are happier beyond belief, for there are no longer the obstacles of shame and separation, nor the judgments of others. There is only the writer with his imagined muse, dwelling and playing within God’s heavenly garden, where every tangible need is provided for.
Notes from David 