Insanity

“This century hasn’t got the lock on insanity.”
~ William Peter Blatty, The Exorcist

Can a mind become so chaotic and broken, that unconscious elements rise unhindered, possessing the person, and temporarily disabling their previously established character, beliefs, and perception of reality?

More importantly, can conscious choice—free will—be disabled and replaced by something of a dark, unknown nature, commonly referred to as insanity or psychosis?

Rebuilding

“First, create your ego. Then destroy it. This is all of life.”
~ Kamand Kojouri

The ego goes through cycles of building, destruction, and rebuilding, sometimes several times in one’s lifetime, until old age, when it finally rests as is.

Presence

“You didn’t need a savior. You needed evidence that you weren’t alone in the dark.”
~ The Self, Facebook

Few choose to stay when you are at war with yourself or the world, as many find it difficult to reconcile your reality with their idealized version of you. Often, they pretend to stay, out of a sense of guilt or pity, but they are not really there anymore, no longer providing a sense of security that you won’t fall off the cliff of life all alone, with no witness to what happened to you, no validation of your previous existence; their attention redirected elsewhere.

In a sense, it feels like they’ve given up on you, not always consciously or intentionally, but because they decided to change direction, to follow a different or more fulfilling path. It leaves you feeling abandoned, isolated, and without a home, vulnerable to the indifferent forces of a cold, brutal world and universe.

And so your mind fills this vacancy with the illusion of a permanent presence or advocate, watching over you, supporting you and loving you. And like always, you project this imagined presence onto yet another unreliable human being, or something else, such as a god of your choosing. This brings you temporary relief and a return to your bubble of security—your faith in another someone or something—until the vacancy returns once again, by death, tragedy, betrayal, or abandonment.

Games we play

“You can’t win. You can’t break even. You can’t even quit the game.”
~ Ginsberg’s Theorems, Murphy’s Law

If every play or move were perfectly executed under perfect, textbook conditions, there would be no game, no reason to play and compete. The point of the game is for one player to outsmart or outplay the other, and this can’t happen if both players play perfectly all the time, making perfect decisions within perfect opportunities, without imperfect obstacles.

Often, I mention the absence of a level playing field, but does life provide such a thing? After putting some thought into this, I conclude that level playing fields don’t exist. We’re always attempting to outplay, defend against, or control a so-called opponent or adversary.

In works of fiction, there are traditionally 7 possible core conflicts/games, one or two of them comprising a specific work, including Character vs. Character, Character vs. Society, Character vs. Nature, Character vs. Technology, Character vs. Supernatural, Character vs. Fate, and Character vs. Self. I mention these, as they seem to cover the entire range of possible conflicts/games that influence our lives in the real world. Although, I think there should be an eighth possible conflict/game: Character vs. God.

Which one, two, or three of these exert(s) the most influence over your life?

Henry Miller’s Paris

“Paris is like a whore. From a distance she seems ravishing, you can’t wait until you have her in your arms. And five minutes later you feel empty, disgusted with yourself. You feel tricked.”
~ Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer

Found this intriguing quote on social media, but with no context to it, which makes it difficult to understand what Henry Miller was thinking and feeling about Paris and why, especially since I’ve not read his work. Although, I’ve been told by a reader that Henry Miller was very passionate about Paris, noticing both the light and dark sides to it, which inspired his writing.

I suppose it is possible that his expectations or hopes for Paris were derailed by reality in some sense, leaving him with the impression of being lured into a place that produced the opposite side of his desired Paris, and dredging up the darkness or shadows within him. Kind of like a psychological bait and switch, where the imagined or advertised fantasy of a place is nothing like its reality, resulting in unintended consequences and entanglements. I can personally relate to this.

Note: Adding Henry Miller to my bucket list of authors to read!