Going in circles

“There are patterns which emerge in one’s life, circling and returning anew, an endless variation of a theme”
~ Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel’s Chosen

Does this place look familiar? Wait, we’ve been traveling in circles the entire time! We’re back at the same place, again! It looks a little different, but the same. Have we gone nowhere, not even one mile!

Sound familiar?

Often in life, we go in circles, circumnavigating the same old places or issues, meeting the same kind of people and circumstances, before ending up where we first began our journey.

Nevertheless, things always change, even if we don’t change, sometimes appearing a bit more ragged and run-down than the last time, or maybe occupied by a few more strangers. Tired, flattened down paths arriving at the same old same old, but eyes becoming more nearsighted with each repeated arrival, leaving pieces of the familiar old and unfamiliar new in the shadows. And so things look somewhat different, but mostly the same within one’s evolving tunnel vision.

The alternative is to circle back with new eyes, being more aware and enlightened than before, having learned a lesson or two, and ready for the next revolution with an adjusted attitude – the precursor to change.

Pit of despair

You straddle the present, keeping one foot stuck in the unfinished past and the other stomping down the uncertain future, leaving an empty space between your wobbly legs. You fill this vacuum – the devil’s hungry crotch – with all manner of dramas, meltdowns, obsessions, addictions, self-delusions, and a lifetime of meaningless fucks. And this is how you pass the time, counting down the years of a life with no present tense; feeding the universal pit of despair with everything but the kitchen sink.

Your new normal

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
~ Albert Camus

You expend tremendous energy trying to survive this demanding, unforgiving, unbalanced world; hoping to find just a bit of happiness before the game is over.

The traditional, normal approach, is to make whatever efforts are deemed necessary to survive and possibly thrive in this world, usually following some previously prescribed set of rules for success, and this takes up the bulk of time during your early and middle years. “Keep up the effort, stay positive, and live to fight another day,” they say, “and your cherished dreams will come true!” This is the Traditional Normal.

The abnormal, as it is commonly referred to, is when you’ve finally given up or reached your symbolic dead end, but feel too overwhelmed with despondency to even realize this, thinking you are just too exhausted, getting old, or suffering a mental health issue. This becomes the New Normal for you and the burgeoning, disillusioned older generation; the prime fodder for today’s psychiatric and pharmaceutical industries.

Sensual woman

A man feels both excitement and fear over a woman’s sexuality, a conundrum that seems to defy resolution. He takes delight in being the focus of her desire, yet fears the rabid lusts of other men, who lurk in the shadows, awaiting their turn.

And so he either succumbs to his fear, judging her desire as bad, accusing her of indiscretions or fantasies of the worst kind; or he resolves to appreciate the blessing of her sensuality, rejoicing in God’s masterpiece, a gift to all who experience her, both near and far; now, then, and tomorrow.

Special moments

“As you get older, you want less from the world; you just want to experience it. Any barriers to feeling emotions get dismantled. And ordinary things become beautifully poetic.”
~ Richard Linklater

Following many years of traumas, disappointments, broken promises, and unrealized dreams, you settle for special moments. Those unexpected, one-shot deals that seem to come out of nowhere, without your intervention; possibly the result of random circumstance, good luck, fate, or God’s hand. Regardless of origin, you consume each special moment with a lust driven fervor and insatiable hunger, until every last drop is consumed, as if it were your final crumb of fleeting happiness.