Two in One

Sometimes our lives split in two, like traversing a fork in the road, where the two parts diverge and move in different directions. One part continues to circle around an old trauma or deficit, including whatever is associated with the age of occurrence; and another part evolves outside of the pain, but attempts to manage or contain it at the same time, often without complete success, as the pain spills over into one’s relationships and dealings with the world.

Personally, I recognize both a wounded 12 year old—inner child—and old wise man—inner parent—residing within my body/psyche; the youngster still clinging to life, and the elder being the support and voice of hope and reason. Yet, I’ve discovered that acknowledging and attempting to soothe a painful past does not necessarily resolve it; the traumas and deficits being so entrenched within every fiber of my being, that they remain as a chronic condition, following me into old age—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sublimation through ruminative daydreams and writing seem to be my most effective means of dealing with whatever still hurts or remains in deficit.

Recurring dream

Note: The following is my comment regarding a recurring dream described by a social media user. The dream had persisted for more than 25 years, following his breakup with the woman depicted in the dream. The dreamer had not been in contact with her in real life since their breakup 25 years ago; however, up until recently, his old feelings and desires for her resurfaced during each recurring instance of the dream.

This is a very long duration for the recurrence of a dream, and he was wondering if something remained unresolved regarding this past relationship, and if it could be finally resolved.

My comment: The first and most difficult step, is to determine what her dream character symbolizes for you. Keep in mind that after 25 years, the real person behind the dream character doesn’t exist anymore, not in the way you knew her 25 years ago. People and circumstances change over time. What remains is the unresolved or unconscious part of you that surfaced during the actual relationship and continues to haunt you, so to speak.

Her dream character is like a shadow or ghost that wants you to recognize “something” catalyzed by your past involvement with the “once” real woman—good or bad—or that symbolizes a wound or need that goes far deeper and older than the relationship itself, but resonates with your memory of it.

I recommend exploring this symbolic ghost through whatever means works for you—art, music, introspection, dream journaling, etc.—to understand what the dream may be depicting or asking of you.

Intimate connection

Humans are wired to seek intimacy with something or someone: physically, chemically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and/or instinctively. Call it romance, bonding, relationship, sex, spiritual communion, religion, attachment, obsession, lust, addiction, or whatever you prefer; all of us are seeking it on some level or in some form, but often frustrated, depressed or traumatized by its elusive nature.

Toxic virility

“No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility.”
~ Simone de Beauvoir

This is “sometimes” true, especially when a man makes virility the center of his male identity. His mission in life being the validation of his masculine worth and supremacy, defending himself against anyone who challenges or adds an air of doubt to this egocentric ideal: the proof and recognition of his manliness.

Rather than explore his underlying fear of emasculation, he scapegoats or blames others for it—sometimes with a vengeance. Unconsciously, he attracts or seeks those who poke at his fear—intentionally or otherwise—increasing his level of anxiety, anger, and aggression.

Libido reimagined

“Libido can never be apprehended except in a definite form; that is to say, it is identical with fantasy-images. And we can only release it from the grip of the unconscious by bringing up the corresponding fantasy-images.”
~The Collected Works of C. G. Jung

As a simplified definition, libido is the energy that animates human life. In and of itself, it is no different than the energy that creates or moves everything in the universe, except that it is scaled down for human use. Libido is sometimes referred to as the life force, sex drive, psychic energy, kundalini, the creative or divine spark, etc.

Like most manifestations of energy, you cannot perceive libido through the human senses or mind alone, unless it presents itself in a form that you’re able to recognize and experience, which is what the Jungian related quote refers to.

We don’t perceive the wind until it blows against or moves something. We don’t see moisture in the air until it forms into a dewdrop, raindrop, cloud, etc. The key word being form: energy or life experienced through form. This necessity for form is not any different for libido, except that it’s often manifested to us through imagined forms or mental projections, especially when a tangible form of something we need or seek to experience does not exist in the outer world (objective reality). As Aristotle once said, “Nature abhors a vacuum,” especially the human mind, and so it imagines what is not completely perceivable or accessible in the outer world as we conceive it.

We experience our lives in both the physical world—if such a thing exists—and imagined worlds of our making—often a hybrid of both: our imaginings projected onto physical reality, like painted art on a canvas. In fact, modern psychological theory straddles the fine line between understanding the effects of the outer, tangible world versus our inner worlds (mental, emotional, and unconscious). Nowadays, there is a great controversy over this very topic, as to what has the greater influence over individuals and whole societies: the so called outer world of tangible circumstances or our imagined worlds—good and bad.

Note: Initially, Freud narrowly defined libido as the energy behind our sex drives, while Jung conceived libido as propelling the full range of human experience, with its many nuances of expression: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, symbolic, archetypal, mythological, creative, artistic, dreaming, etc.