Intimate connection

Humans are wired to seek intimacy with something or someone: physically, chemically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and/or instinctively. Call it romance, bonding, relationship, sex, spiritual communion, religion, attachment, obsession, lust, addiction, or whatever you prefer; all of us are seeking it on some level or in some form, but often frustrated, depressed or traumatized by its elusive nature.

Toxic virility

“No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility.”
~ Simone de Beauvoir

This is “sometimes” true, especially when a man makes virility the center of his male identity. His mission in life being the validation of his masculine worth and supremacy, defending himself against anyone who challenges or adds an air of doubt to this egocentric ideal: the proof and recognition of his manliness.

Rather than explore his underlying fear of emasculation, he scapegoats or blames others for it—sometimes with a vengeance. Unconsciously, he attracts or seeks those who poke at his fear—intentionally or otherwise—increasing his level of anxiety, anger, and aggression.

Libido reimagined

“Libido can never be apprehended except in a definite form; that is to say, it is identical with fantasy-images. And we can only release it from the grip of the unconscious by bringing up the corresponding fantasy-images.”
~The Collected Works of C. G. Jung

As a simplified definition, libido is the energy that animates human life. In and of itself, it is no different than the energy that creates or moves everything in the universe, except that it is scaled down for human use. Libido is sometimes referred to as the life force, sex drive, psychic energy, kundalini, the creative or divine spark, etc.

Like most manifestations of energy, you cannot perceive libido through the human senses or mind alone, unless it presents itself in a form that you’re able to recognize and experience, which is what the Jungian related quote refers to.

We don’t perceive the wind until it blows against or moves something. We don’t see moisture in the air until it forms into a dewdrop, raindrop, cloud, etc. The key word being form: energy or life experienced through form. This necessity for form is not any different for libido, except that it’s often manifested to us through imagined forms or mental projections, especially when a tangible form of something we need or seek to experience does not exist in the outer world (objective reality). As Aristotle once said, “Nature abhors a vacuum,” especially the human mind, and so it imagines what is not completely perceivable or accessible in the outer world as we conceive it.

We experience our lives in both the physical world—if such a thing exists—and imagined worlds of our making—often a hybrid of both: our imaginings projected onto physical reality, like painted art on a canvas. In fact, modern psychological theory straddles the fine line between understanding the effects of the outer, tangible world versus our inner worlds (mental, emotional, and unconscious). Nowadays, there is a great controversy over this very topic, as to what has the greater influence over individuals and whole societies: the so called outer world of tangible circumstances or our imagined worlds—good and bad.

Note: Initially, Freud narrowly defined libido as the energy behind our sex drives, while Jung conceived libido as propelling the full range of human experience, with its many nuances of expression: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, symbolic, archetypal, mythological, creative, artistic, dreaming, etc.

The imagined and real

What is your relationship with experience? To create ideas and theories around your ongoing stream of experiences? Or wait for an experience to validate your long-standing ideals and cherished beliefs? Many people go with the second option, believing in a collection of unproven abstractions for many years, but later feeling disillusioned by emerging discrepancies between expectation and reality.

Our lives are often like a tale of two worlds: the imagined and real.

Existential dread

Note: The following is my commentary in response to a sufferer of existential anxiety. At the time, the sufferer was experiencing a profound fear of death and an associated dread of nonexistence, which came upon him quite abruptly.

“Life is a series of passages. In every passage there is a death of some sort, the death of naïveté, the death of a dependency, the death of an understanding of self and world. And, after that death, there is often a terrible ‘in-between,’ sometimes lasting years.”
~ James Hollis

The above quote captures the essence of existential dread that you’ve described. I suggest examining what may be in transition in your life at the present time. It is possible that you are currently residing within the “in-between” state mentioned in the quote, where you’ve left one phase of your life behind, but without clarity as to the next phase and its time of arrival. It could be as simple as being between relationships, or more complex, such as leaving behind your old sense of self, but not yet having created a new sense of identity. Or it could be something spiritual, such as losing one’s faith in an old belief, without having formulated a new belief. The possibilities are endless.

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