The shrink in my dream told me that a little piece of “something” is who I am. He showed me a tiny, hairlike splinter on his pinky finger, to demonstrate just how small this “something” may be. He asked me to consider that this minuscule fragment of “something” has been the real me, the only real part of me, since it formed during the earliest days of my life. And that before that time, I did not exist as an identity of any kind, but only as a formless blob of competing needs, fears, perceptions, and instincts. One day, the shrink explained, a tiny part of the blob solidified around something, such as an unfulfilled, infantile need or childish wish, and this hardened piece created a wall around itself and separated from the rest of the blob, becoming me.
Tag: Aging & Mortality
No closure
There were ghosts from my past with whom I had no closure, including childhood bullies, former friends, deceased family members, ex-partners, lost loves, and one-time lovers. I once needed something from them to obtain closure, such as an apology, a thank you, a word of encouragement, a prayer, a smile or hug, or even pity sex as a final gesture of compassion. This did not happen though. They exited my life abruptly, without any effort to right what they had wronged. Explanations and solace were not offered, cries were left unattended, harsh words were not taken back, dignity was not restored, and threats were kept in place.
Notes from David 