Some fantasies continuously rewrite themselves to fit the current time, place, and situation of one’s life. The original “wish” perpetuates through the later versions, but everything else must change for the fantasy to remain relevant and offer the air of possibility.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
Childhood was often a painful experience, but if we were lucky, and many of us were, then there were escapes, partial resolutions, and a few safety nets to fall back into. However, young adulthood and middle age became progressively less accommodating, and old age is sometimes like hell itself, with no possibility of negotiating with our painful circumstances, as they were built brick by brick, year after year, and remain as solid as the hardest rock on earth.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
We are unconditionally loved as children, and so saying “NO” doesn’t get us kicked to the curb – not often anyway. But love, or anything else, becomes a negotiation in adulthood, so saying “NO” better be balanced with an enticing “YES” to something.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
The first confrontation with my mortality was at age 27, after the sudden death of my uncle. For the first time, I felt the universe to be a very cold and impersonal place. My faith was badly shaken, and I felt very alone and vulnerable. I experienced a breakdown as a result, one that lasted for several weeks, until the pain finally exhausted itself.
Eventually, I recovered a sense of spirituality in my life, as the idea of an impersonal universe was both incomprehensible and intolerable to me.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
We walked down the thicket path to Main street, keeping our heads low, covertly peeking through the clearings of foliage. Old vehicles – some military – were lined up on both sides of Main, one after another, their engines running. Men with assault rifles sat on the bumpers, taking turns patrolling the street, slowly turning their heads in 180 degree arcs, ready to defend the flanks. Some remained on standby inside their vehicles; others were crowded onto the attached flatbeds, sweating profusely and guzzling down beers. A rough looking crowd covered in war tats and wearing mismatched uniform attire, like they were going deer hunting after a weekend military exercise.
Notes from David 