The shrink in my dream told me that a little piece of “something” is who I am. He showed me a tiny, hairlike splinter on his pinky finger, to demonstrate just how small this “something” may be. He asked me to consider that this minuscule fragment of “something” has been the real me, the only real part of me, since it formed during the earliest days of my life. And that before that time, I did not exist as an identity of any kind, but only as a formless blob of competing needs, fears, perceptions, and instincts. One day, the shrink explained, a tiny part of the blob solidified around something, such as an unfulfilled, infantile need or childish wish, and this hardened piece created a wall around itself and separated from the rest of the blob, becoming me.
Category: Reposts
No closure
There were ghosts from my past with whom I had no closure, including childhood bullies, former friends, deceased family members, ex-partners, lost loves, and one-time lovers. I once needed something from them to obtain closure, such as an apology, a thank you, a word of encouragement, a prayer, a smile or hug, or even pity sex as a final gesture of compassion. This did not happen though. They exited my life abruptly, without any effort to right what they had wronged. Explanations and solace were not offered, cries were left unattended, harsh words were not taken back, dignity was not restored, and threats were kept in place.
Inherent immorality
Is there a primal place within us that is intentionally designed to be perpetually immoral?
Inherent immorality – The perpetually dark aspects of our human nature that we refuse to fully acknowledge, and that cause ongoing disturbances within our personal lives and throughout our societies. We’ve individually and collectively disavowed these aspects of ourselves through various psychological and sociological strategies, setting up an ongoing confrontation between our idealized versions of ourselves and the full reality of our human nature, which continues to operate in whole, despite our attempts to disown aspects of it.
Ambiguous immorality
Immoral has become a watered-down, inconsistently used version of a word that once evoked feelings of fear, shame, and guilt in our religious and social communities. There is no longer a collective consensus as to what it means to be immoral. Just about anything that conflicts with a person’s idea of good behavior, is often referred to or thought of as immoral, without any real understanding of what this word originally referred to. Google “immoral,” and you will see what I mean. Anything from voting for Donald Trump to watching the Superbowl is being referred to as immoral, and this also includes gay marriage, welfare, profanity, genetic engineering, sex education, lying to save your life, closing schools for Jewish holidays, and hundreds of other examples that span a wide spectrum of beliefs.
Jewish strangers
Having been born in 1960s and raised in a mostly secular environment, I was far removed from the old world Judaism of my grandparents and great grandparents, who immigrated here from the Ukraine. My maternal grandfather and a few distant relatives practiced the traditions with an Orthodox fervor, complete with readings from the Torah and the fulfillment of the prescribed rituals. They understood both the mundane and sacred in what they were reading and practicing, including the Talmudic applications of it. Yet, for me, it was like observing somebody else’s religion or culture. It felt very foreign to me, and to this day it still feels that way to some degree.
Notes from David 