Despair

“Despair is the only cure for illusion. Without despair we cannot transfer our allegiance to reality — it is a kind of mourning period for our fantasies. Some people do not survive this despair, but no major change within a person can occur without it.”
~ Philip Slater

When does despair finally kick in? Some of us don’t dispense with the fantasy of having the life we’ve felt entitled to, expected, or pursued endlessly, until every door “seems” to close on us. And then we are left with a barren reality, which may be another illusion, like a room of windowless walls that keep us trapped within an even deeper sense of despair.

Metaphorical truth

“The delusional patient simultaneously communicates to us a literal falsity and a metaphorical truth.”
~ Mark L. Ruffalo, psychotherapist

Most of us do the same thing, but usually not to a delusional extent. Literal truth tends to evade us, providing only brief and partial glimpses of it, especially in this age of misinformation. Metaphorical truth more consistently mirrors whatever is going on inside of us and in the world, even if not fact based.

Two in One

Sometimes our lives split in two, like traversing a fork in the road, where the two parts diverge and move in different directions. One part continues to circle around an old trauma or deficit, including whatever is associated with the age of occurrence; and another part evolves outside of the pain, but attempts to manage or contain it at the same time, often without complete success, as the pain spills over into one’s relationships and dealings with the world.

Personally, I recognize both a wounded 12 year old—inner child—and old wise man—inner parent—residing within my body/psyche; the youngster still clinging to life, and the elder being the support and voice of hope and reason. Yet, I’ve discovered that acknowledging and attempting to soothe a painful past does not necessarily resolve it; the traumas and deficits being so entrenched within every fiber of my being, that they remain as a chronic condition, following me into old age—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sublimation through ruminative daydreams and writing seem to be my most effective means of dealing with whatever still hurts or remains in deficit.

Lost pieces

Pieces of yourself remain attached to the things, people, events, and times that had great value to you, but were lost upon their exit from your life. The fear or reality of losing those pieces forever, may be the most painful feeling of all, leaving you diminished or less than before; one of many deaths that you will perpetually experience over a lifetime, as you mourn the lost pieces of your former self, until they’re recovered in weakened form, or finally discarded and put to rest.

In the end, the many pieces of you will be scattered by the proverbial winds of time and consequence, leaving them here, there, and everywhere, still attached to their hosts, but nowhere to be found as what was once the wholeness of YOU.

Defeating insanity

“Imagination does not breed insanity. Exactly what does breed insanity is reason. Poets do not go mad; but chess-players do. Mathematicians go mad, and cashiers; but creative artists very seldom.”
~ G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

We avoid insanity through imagination. Reality, with its banal, loveless logic, is too harsh and dry to accept as our one and only experience of the world. To remain sane, we create stories, poetry and art that are full of passion, love, mystery, conflict, surrealism, and even pain.