Games we play

“You can’t win. You can’t break even. You can’t even quit the game.”
~ Ginsberg’s Theorems, Murphy’s Law

If every play or move were perfectly executed under perfect, textbook conditions, there would be no game, no reason to play and compete. The point of the game is for one player to outsmart or outplay the other, and this can’t happen if both players play perfectly all the time, making perfect decisions within perfect opportunities, without imperfect obstacles.

Often, I mention the absence of a level playing field, but does life provide such a thing? After putting some thought into this, I conclude that level playing fields don’t exist. We’re always attempting to outplay, defend against, or control a so-called opponent or adversary.

In works of fiction, there are traditionally 7 possible core conflicts/games, one or two of them comprising a specific work, including Character vs. Character, Character vs. Society, Character vs. Nature, Character vs. Technology, Character vs. Supernatural, Character vs. Fate, and Character vs. Self. I mention these, as they seem to cover the entire range of possible conflicts/games that influence our lives in the real world. Although, I think there should be an eighth possible conflict/game: Character vs. God.

Which one, two, or three of these exert(s) the most influence over your life?

Endless search

In this era of infinite options, many of us don’t stay committed to anything or anyone for long, lured by a never-ending search for an ideal of fulfilment or love that doesn’t exist, a mindset that the perfect option is around the corner, if one continues the search a little longer.

Yet, a little longer often lasts a lifetime, until the realization that “something” good, the perfect imperfection, was once at the doorstep knocking on one’s door, but missed or discarded while being too busy searching for that elusive ideal, dangled by a society promoting the dopamine rush of endless movement towards a fantasy that has no basis in reality, forever elusive. And so one never grows roots into a time, place or relationship; never reaching the depths of soulful connection to anything or anyone, including oneself.

Identity

“The Buddhist would say that almost all human beings have a phony sense of identity – a delusion, or a hallucination as to who they are. I am terribly interested in this problem of identity. I try to find out what people mean when they say the word ‘I.’ I think this is one of the most fascinating questions: ‘Who do you think you are?'”
~ Alan Watts

I = The current, ever-changing totality of my experiences, behaviors, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, flaws, strengths, relationships, goals, roles, statuses, etc. This is the widest scope of my personal identity, without any edits, sugarcoating, or the glue of meaning to connect the various pieces. In this sense, identity is a perpetually evolving narrative of who I’ve been and who I’ve become within the context of my changing experiences and circumstances—the cards I’ve been dealt in this lifetime.

Realistically, we rarely define our identities as all of the above, but rather carve out what works best for us in the world and within our chosen sense of self.

Society created identities always impinge upon our self-definitions, such as how others perceive us: what they most pay attention to, remember, or imagine about us; collective or group identities, which exclude the personal elements of individual identity—for example, Americans and Christians; employment related identities—titles, roles, and skillsets; consumer identities; medical patient identities, etc. This is not an exhaustive list, as there are many defining forms of identity, depending upon who is paying attention and what they choose to see or know about us, including their own fictive characterizations.

Often, how others identify us conflicts with our own carved out definition of self. I’ve personally struggled with this throughout much of my life, trying to replace the first impressions from others with how I choose to be known. This is rarely successful, as first or chosen impressions are very sticky and resistant to change. We can’t show others what they choose not to see.

Alan Watts indirectly posed the question, “Who do you think you are?” This is always a choice, depending upon what we choose to include, exclude, and display to the world. I don’t see this as a delusion, but as the necessity to identify ourselves against the background of a social world that is endlessly defining us—indifferently, antagonistically, or otherwise—for its own special interests.

Henry Miller’s Paris

“Paris is like a whore. From a distance she seems ravishing, you can’t wait until you have her in your arms. And five minutes later you feel empty, disgusted with yourself. You feel tricked.”
~ Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer

Found this intriguing quote on social media, but with no context to it, which makes it difficult to understand what Henry Miller was thinking and feeling about Paris and why, especially since I’ve not read his work. Although, I’ve been told by a reader that Henry Miller was very passionate about Paris, noticing both the light and dark sides to it, which inspired his writing.

I suppose it is possible that his expectations or hopes for Paris were derailed by reality in some sense, leaving him with the impression of being lured into a place that produced the opposite side of his desired Paris, and dredging up the darkness or shadows within him. Kind of like a psychological bait and switch, where the imagined or advertised fantasy of a place is nothing like its reality, resulting in unintended consequences and entanglements. I can personally relate to this.

Note: Adding Henry Miller to my bucket list of authors to read!