Rambling love

Dear Rebecca,

First off, I’m not being critical my love. I love you as is! It is just that, well, you always seem to be in flux, eluding my mental net of insight into you, which sometimes frustrates me to no end. And so I’ve been wondering, is this a premeditated effort on your end, for the fun or adventure of keeping me guessing? This seems to be a popular pastime among younger women nowadays. Or, is this changeability the product of your young, restless mind, always channel surfing or role playing one possibility after another, never settling down for long? I think it is mostly the latter.

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My childhood at sea

Often, I stood waist deep, threatening to hold my ground against her tall waves, taunting them with laughter as their grandeur climbed upward like a tsunami before my innocent eyes, believing it was all in good fun.

And as always, I finally surrendered to the imposition of her will, which dragged me under and tossed my childish body around for a bit, like a flimsy blanket in a laundry machine, before gently depositing me on the warmth of dry sand.

Breathe

Early spring is a GIRL
with leafy green dresses
and yellow haired willows.
Her delicate, woody limbs
stretching in the wind,
plucking WILD BLUE ROSES.
The happy girl restored to us!

Earthy smells adorn her:
herbal washed hair,
blue cotton candy and
private musty spaces.
The wind soaked with HER –
carried to wide open nostrils.
Our happy girl inhaled!

Breathe deeply!

Have faith my friends. We will breathe deeply again! The happy girl will return.

Elephant in the room

This was the last leg of our father & son trip, to cross the Canadian border and explore the innards of another country, a first for both of us. But Dad always ran his tires into the ground, until they were bald and ready to bust open, and so there was always a 50/50 chance of losing a tire on a long trip. And this time we were on the wrong end of 50/50.

I began hearing the sound earlier, but said nothing, hoping the road was just old and noisy, keeping my eye on Dad’s involuntary expressions. Dad turned towards the driver’s side window several times, looked into the rear view mirror, wrinkling his forehead a bit, and then refocusing on the road. Once or twice he looked at me for a second and said nothing, wondering if I’d been hearing it too, but I said nothing. We did this kind of silent inquisition often, keeping elephants in the room as long as possible before acknowledging them, hoping they’d run off. But this beast was staying and getting bigger, Dad and I finally looking all over, window to window, mirror to mirror, getting more nervous.

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The dance

We live in a linear, results oriented world; the theory of cause and effect being the dominant paradigm and ideal. Do good, or pretend to be good, and good will come back to you, including wealth, health, perfect partners to fulfill your every need, a good seat in heaven, a better set of circumstances in the next lifetime, etc. You get the idea here…

Which is:

Free will reigns supreme, or should, according to the go-getters and do-gooders out there. You reap what you sow, as they say. Make the right moves, and this will CAUSE good EFFECTS to come your way: in this lifetime, the next lifetime, or on judgment day. Or suffer the effects of using your free will the wrong way, which means doing dumb things or being too weak, lazy, or narcissistic to make the right choices, thus CAUSING your downfall!

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