Note: The following is my commentary in response to a sufferer of existential anxiety. At the time, the sufferer was experiencing a profound fear of death and an associated dread of nonexistence, which came upon him quite abruptly.
“Life is a series of passages. In every passage there is a death of some sort, the death of naïveté, the death of a dependency, the death of an understanding of self and world. And, after that death, there is often a terrible ‘in-between,’ sometimes lasting years.”
~ James Hollis
The above quote captures the essence of existential dread that you’ve described. I suggest examining what may be in transition in your life at the present time. It is possible that you are currently residing within the “in-between” state mentioned in the quote, where you’ve left one phase of your life behind, but without clarity as to the next phase and its time of arrival. It could be as simple as being between relationships, or more complex, such as leaving behind your old sense of self, but not yet having created a new sense of identity. Or it could be something spiritual, such as losing one’s faith in an old belief, without having formulated a new belief. The possibilities are endless.
Maybe this transition and in-between state has left you with a sense of being nowhere and nothing, without an identity, purpose, direction, or feeling of value in the world; a state of homelessness or utter vulnerability, like an amorphous being without an outer skin to protect against the random dangers from without and within. Often, this is how we imagine death: the cessation of existence and solidity. A frightening thought, especially for those of us without a strong faith in the afterlife.
Personally, I’ve gone through this phase several times. During these periods, my anxiety and depression became overwhelming, often branching off into phobias and paranoid thoughts of various kinds, and sometimes leading to disabling breakdowns, especially during my earlier years. Although, I’ve come to think of these as necessary purges or psychological re-configurations: leaving behind old ideas and ideals, to embrace and organize around “something” new and more compatible with my current reality or circumstances.
My suggestion is a simple one: wait it out! One way or another, the next phase of your life will arrive, complete with new or revised ideas, ideals, beliefs, relationships, and a renewed sense of purpose and identity. The mind is a storyteller: it will not leave you without a story about who you are and where you are going. The gaps between your stories are painful and sometimes frightening, but temporary. As Aristotle once said, “Nature abhors a vacuum.”
© 2022 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
Notes from David 