Systems versus nature

“Capitalism cannot reform itself; it is doomed to self-destruction. No universal selfishness can bring social good to all.”
~ W. E. B. Du Bois

Selfishness and selflessness anchor the opposite ends of our individual and collective human nature. Despite our most noble intentions, selfishness will always rear its ugly head to some degree, through every conceivable system and type of organization, from the most greed oriented company to the most Utopian vision of society. There is no escaping this reality.

Recognizing and managing the inherently selfish aspects of our human nature, is the key to minimizing their toxic effects. However, scapegoating the economic and political systems we’ve created as irreparably flawed, is often just another excuse for keeping the egocentric aspects of human nature in the shadows, where they inflict the most insidious forms of damage.

Ironically, it seems that our human behavior is more inflexible than the systems we’ve created to tame it. To reform anything for the betterment of humankind, we need to first reform ourselves.

What kind of person?

Is life so infinitely complex as to defy explanation, or a meaningless collection of random happenings that requires no explanation, other than, “Shit happens?”

What kind of person are you?

A) A person who seeks meaning within the complexities of life. You believe there is an overall progression towards something better or higher; with every thought, feeling, action, inaction, and event being an indispensable contribution towards this upward spiral.

B) A person who believes there is no rhyme or reason to anything that happens. You respond only to the here and now, exploiting whatever feels good and discarding the remainder; relegating the past to nothing more than a comic routine of random events that no longer have any relevance; and avoiding any consideration of the far-off future, leaving it to sentimental Hallmark cards and science fiction fanatics.

C) A person who just goes with the flow for now, having decided that you have no clue as to what is going on or not going on, and waiting for more information or clarification before deciding whether to contribute more to life, or continue being directed by fate, random events, or the loudest voice in the crowd.

There is no right or wrong answer, but most assuredly you fit into one of the three categories, maybe alternating between them, depending upon current circumstances or your changing frame of mind. And sometimes, you may find yourself somewhere between the three alternative mindsets, feeling confused as to whether you are or should be A, B, or C.

No guarantees

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.”
~ Nicholas Sparks

We live in a universe of possibilities with no guarantees. The combined effect of imagination, attitude, behavior, and fate determines what transforms from the possible to the probable, and less often the actual. “Close, but no cigar,” may be your most reasonable expectation in life. You are a player, not a guarantor, within the universe of possibilities; the co-creator of your experiences, without having a say in the final outcomes. That is the house rule, whether you accept it or otherwise.

Moving minds

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
~ Robert Frost

Does life move along, or does your continuous, non-stop decision making process give the appearance of movement and change? Your life may be like a blank canvas of an interminable form, remaining essentially the same from cradle to grave, but animated by a lifetime of choices and irrevocable decisions.

“Mix up a little more shadow color here, then we can put us a little shadow right in there. See how you can move things around? You have unlimited power on this canvas — can literally, literally move mountains”
~ Bob Ross

Some physicists view reality as a hologram of infinite possibilities: Your current experience being the latest possibility that you’ve chosen to manifest within your mental canvas of physical space or imagination. The illusion of movement and change being like a mental video of your chosen experiences, displayed frame by frame, sequentially or otherwise – you being at the controls, doing the cutting, splicing, layering, timing, animating, etc.

Breaking yourself

“I once loved someone so much that I tried to fix them while they were breaking me.”
~ Unknown author

Was this an authentic expression of your love for someone? Or were you trying to fix this someone, to better meet your needs and fill that emptiness inside of you? Maybe you broke yourself by attempting the impossible?

It is not your role or privilege to decide whether someone needs fixing. People choose to be who they are being, despite the self-inflicted pain of deprivation it causes you. It is their choice to be a particular kind of someone – without consideration for your opinion or judgment in the matter – until they choose to be someone else. Authentic love is possible when you accept and embrace someone as they choose to be, not as they could be or should be, according to you.

“I can’t help people by damaging myself. In fact, if it’s beginning to destroy me, I can be confident it’s not helping them.“
~ Hugh Prather

You may be able to help someone make a different choice, to become something or someone else, but only “if” they invite your assistance. Do not break “yourself” by relentlessly pursuing change where change is uninvited and unavailable to you.

Nobody will authentically change to accommodate your neediness to feel more loved. The only real change will be your diminished feelings of self-worth, the humiliating side effect of trying to change what does not want to be changed.