“The Buddhist would say that almost all human beings have a phony sense of identity – a delusion, or a hallucination as to who they are. I am terribly interested in this problem of identity. I try to find out what people mean when they say the word ‘I.’ I think this is one of the most fascinating questions: ‘Who do you think you are?'”
~ Alan Watts
I = The current, ever-changing totality of my experiences, behaviors, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, flaws, strengths, relationships, goals, roles, statuses, etc. This is the widest scope of my personal identity, without any edits, sugarcoating, or the glue of meaning to connect the various pieces. In this sense, identity is a perpetually evolving narrative of who I’ve been and who I’ve become within the context of my changing experiences and circumstances—the cards I’ve been dealt in this lifetime.
Realistically, we rarely define our identities as all of the above, but rather carve out what works best for us in the world and within our chosen sense of self.
Society created identities always impinge upon our self-definitions, such as how others perceive us: what they most pay attention to, remember, or imagine about us; collective or group identities, which exclude the personal elements of individual identity—for example, Americans and Christians; employment related identities—titles, roles, and skillsets; consumer identities; medical patient identities, etc. This is not an exhaustive list, as there are many defining forms of identity, depending upon who is paying attention and what they choose to see or know about us, including their own fictive characterizations.
Often, how others identify us conflicts with our own carved out definition of self. I’ve personally struggled with this throughout much of my life, trying to replace the first impressions from others with how I choose to be known. This is rarely successful, as first or chosen impressions are very sticky and resistant to change. We can’t show others what they choose not to see.
Alan Watts indirectly posed the question, “Who do you think you are?” This is always a choice, depending upon what we choose to include, exclude, and display to the world. I don’t see this as a delusion, but as the necessity to identify ourselves against the background of a social world that is endlessly defining us—indifferently, antagonistically, or otherwise—for its own special interests.
© 2025 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
Notes from David 