“There are the stories we tell ourselves, and the stories we tell others. Some of them may even be true. But what are the stories which are storying their way through our daily lives and of which we are mostly if not wholly unaware?”
~James Hollis
The three stories:
1) The same old story that you assume is happening again. In reality or imagination, this is the all too familiar theme or pattern that seems to follow you like a stalker, recycling itself over and over, chapter after chapter, from cradle to grave. You whine and complain about its apparent return, playing its victim at times, but it is your Old Faithful, always reliable as an excuse or crutch when all else fails in your life.
2) The story of fulfillment and happy endings that you wish were happening. This is your version of the healing, heroic, romantic journey that you’ve dreamed about from childhood onward. The story evolves with the changing times and circumstances, but remains true to its original theme. You dream of it, hope for it, and search for it, but assume the low probability of its fruition.
3) The real story that is actually happening or unfolding throughout your life: A convoluted plot with characters and themes that appear, disappear, and sometimes reappear again, often without any apparent rhyme or reason. Creating one’s personal story from this bigger, more chaotic story, is a challenge without end, as the real world is in constant flux, without loyalty to what we’d like to believe about it.
Managing the stories:
“I fear THIS is happening again, but I wish THAT were happening for once,” is the usual mindset for most of us—a merger of the first two stories. Rarely do we pay much attention to what is actually happening, especially when it doesn’t fit one’s preferred or usual story line. We connect the dots in a manner that provides the illusion of direction, as if we know where we are going and who or what is taking us there—telling oneself a personal narrative that seems the most plausible and maybe tolerable. There is comfort in knowing one’s story—good or bad—from beginning to end.
Yet, there are the Black Swans that appear throughout our lives: The unexpected twists and turns that seem to defy or invalidate our carefully constructed narratives, sometimes shaking us to the core, leaving us to wonder what is really happening, and who or what is directing the story line of one’s life. Is it God? Fate? Karma? A malicious force? An unconscious part of oneself with an agenda? Random cause and effect?
© 2022 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
Notes from David 