Breaking yourself

“I once loved someone so much that I tried to fix them while they were breaking me.”
~ Unknown author

Was this an authentic expression of your love for someone? Or were you trying to fix this someone, to better meet your needs and fill that emptiness inside of you? Maybe you broke yourself by attempting the impossible?

It is not your role or privilege to decide whether someone needs fixing. People choose to be who they are being, despite the self-inflicted pain of deprivation it causes you. It is their choice to be a particular kind of someone – without consideration for your opinion or judgment in the matter – until they choose to be someone else. Authentic love is possible when you accept and embrace someone as they choose to be, not as they could be or should be, according to you.

“I can’t help people by damaging myself. In fact, if it’s beginning to destroy me, I can be confident it’s not helping them.“
~ Hugh Prather

You may be able to help someone make a different choice, to become something or someone else, but only “if” they invite your assistance. Do not break “yourself” by relentlessly pursuing change where change is uninvited and unavailable to you.

Nobody will authentically change to accommodate your neediness to feel more loved. The only real change will be your diminished feelings of self-worth, the humiliating side effect of trying to change what does not want to be changed.

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