In all honesty, I’ve been somewhat of a hack at everything I’ve pursued, maybe an unintentional impostor at times. A possible case of Impostor Syndrome?
Nevertheless, I’ve been good enough to impress a few people, supporting my illusion that I have the talent or wisdom to pull off whatever I am doing or being. Illusions can become powerful motivators, pushing us forward and sustaining our efforts over time, despite our perceived limitations.
I’ve been a musician, programmer, philosopher, armchair shrink, surrogate counselor for distressed souls, and a writer. These experiences have shaped my life and character, using up many years, though I never was – never will be – the wisest, strongest, or most talented guy for the task. And this is why I will remain the perpetual hacker, continuing to hack away towards something better – being better.
But you know, this is okay, to hack through the underbrush of one’s limitations, using hope and a pinch of effort like a machete; clearing away the obstacles one by one, getting closer each and every day, while knowing that you will probably never get there, not to the pinnacle of your dream, whatever that may be. The challenge of anything worth pursuing is knowing that you may never have it. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, as we’ve been told and experienced for ourselves. Still, we hold on to our passion, the muse of imperfection striving for perfection, which in all likelihood will remain forever elusive.
Every now and then, however, it is possible to hack our way into a clearing, where the sun shines brightly and the flowers bloom colorfully; having crossed the threshold into a holy place without limitations, where for a fleeting moment, the hack in us becomes the artist – maybe one of God’s messengers – recruited for something special. This is the sweet stuff! Those moments when we’re finally there, on the top of our game, before being tossed back out on the street – to hack away at more obstacles.
© 2021 David M. Rubin. All rights reserved.
Notes from David 